hawks and robbers

I sliced open the bottom of my foot on a loose stone yesterday morning while climbing down a temple after sunrise. Hobbling down the steps with a bloody foot, I made it to the bottom and limped toward a nearby bench to try and wrap the cut. Naturally within seconds of reaching the ground I was mobbed by a horde of small children trying to sell me their wares. It went a little something like this:

Child 1 (inches from my face): Postcard? Postcard? Nice postcard?

Me: No thank you.

Child 2 (also inches from my face): Nice gift from my shop look nice gift look very nice!

Me: No, thank you.

Child 3 (getting in on the action after seeing Child 1 and 2): Where you from? Postcard? Postcard?

Me: No, no postcards. No postcards.

Children 1-5 (in unison): Blahsbsjsjsjd postcard shsjakdhbsn postcard agskajdhdjs nice postcard!

Me: NO I DON’T WANT A FUCKING POSTCARD I’M TRYING TO STOP THE RIVER OF BLOOD POURING OUT OF MY FOOT.

Child 1: Okay but very nice postcard you want?

Honest to god I could’ve been on fire with ants crawling all over my eyes and they still would’ve tried to hawk me whatever it is they were selling. 

ants-v3

In most cases I’d say you can’t knock the hustle, but when you’re up against an army of children like this the only solution is a priest, an exorcism, and the power of Christ compelling. 

It was a fervor unlike any other I’ve seen in Myanmar, due I’m sure to the fact that Bagan is the one true tourist hub of the country. The ethical question was raised whether buying from these kids is better than not; on one hand you’re encouraging families to continue utilizing their small children as hustlers, on the other hand they’re already this deep and need something to eat at the end of the day.

But let’s shift back to postcards for a second. Thanks to the fact that anything relevant I could possibly have to say can be transmitted across the world instantaneously, I’ve taken it upon myself to revamp the postcard industry by introducing my very own “Plastered Pen Pal Program.”

…in other words I’m going to write intoxicated postcards. Message me your address and I’ll be sure to send you one at some point in the near future.

One thought on “hawks and robbers

  1. This is not a moral dilemma worth wrestling. Believe me on this one, I have some cred. You’re a tourist and they’re postcards. Buy one. Buy them all. Get a tetanus shot. Drink beer. Be polite. Pay too much. You’re a tourist. It’s your job. Fix the world tomorrow. Send a postcard to your grandmother. Send me a Burmese girl.

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